Getting Out of My Own Way

I've been complaining lately—to anyone who will listen—that I never seem to have enough creative time.

For me, creative time means making things, taking photographs, cooking, exploring art, wandering through galleries—all the things that bring me joy. It also means having the space to imagine new ways to build my business, get excited about creating content, and begin shaping a vision for my future.

For most of my adult life, I've had a clear sense of direction. I knew where I was headed and had a mental map to get there. But over the last couple of years, I've been flailing—a feeling that, not coincidentally, began when I became self-employed.

Everything comes down to me, and that can be paralyzing.

That's not to say I haven't made progress. Quite the opposite. I'm running whole-food cleanses that I'm passionate about, leading retreats around the world, and maintaining a schedule of clients and classes that gives me an incredible amount of freedom. Financial freedom isn't quite there yet, but I have freedom in my time and where I work. Five years ago, I couldn't have imagined that kind of flexibility.

So what's the problem?

Me. As it turns out, I'm the problem.

I recently read about the concept of leisure guilt—that nagging feeling that if you're not doing something productive, you should be. If you're not checking things off a to-do list or actively working toward a goal, what good are you?

I keep a lot of to-do lists, and in an effort to stay productive, I always give myself something to do. To be fair, I'm not inventing busywork. Between running my business and running my life, most of what's on those lists is legitimate, and it would be wonderful to finish it all. But the truth is, I'm denying myself the time to reflect on where I've been, how far I've come, and how I might build more pleasure into my days.

What's really happening is that I'm filling my time with busy work so I feel like I'm moving forward, while avoiding the creative work that might actually move me forward.

It sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud, but if I'm honest, I know that's exactly what's happening.

I'm sabotaging myself—not because I don't have direction, but because I'm afraid of committing to one.

Why?

I'm still figuring that out, but I suspect it has something to do with fear of failure.

Regardless of the reason, when I crash and burn under the weight of an unrealistic to-do list—or when leisure guilt kicks in—I get stuck. Then comes the procrastination.

Netflix. An hour on Instagram. Games on my phone. Texting. Snacking.

If I have time for all of that, surely I have time to create. Surely I can hold space for myself.

But instead, I'd rather procrastinate and then complain. Sound familiar? A lot of us do this, and there's a reason why.

• The Hustle Culture

Modern society glorifies productivity. We've been taught that hard work is a virtue and is something to earn. No wonder we create endless to-do lists and feel guilty whenever we stop.

• Self-Worth Becomes Productivity

Many of us unconsciously tie our worth to our achievements. If we're not producing,

accomplishing, or crossing something off a list, we feel like we're failing—even when

we're simply resting.

• Status Anxiety

We compare ourselves to everyone else and convince ourselves we're falling behind. I

should be farther along by now. What's wrong with me? It's another way we punish

ourselves for not being where we think we should be.

While all of this may be true, I'm still choosing to believe it. I'm taking it on.

And here's the hard part. I'm a health and wellness coach. I should know better.

So here's how I'm going to get out of my own way.

• Reframe the Purpose

Rest isn't the reward—it's the fuel. I'm going to treat creative time as an essential part of my work, not a break from it. That means scheduling it on my calendar and showing up for it.

• Connect It to My Values

I want a more balanced life; it's part of why I started working for myself. That means creative time isn't optional anymore—it's one of my core values. A non-negotiable.

• Start Small

I'm going to build in micro-doses of rest: a 20-minute break, a walk without my phone, a few quiet moments to breathe or meditate. Not to accomplish something else, but

simply to be.

• Identify the Top Three

Instead of trying to conquer an endless list, I'll identify the three things that truly matter each day or each week—the ones that are time-sensitive, holding everything else up,

or that someone else is waiting on.

• Practice Presence

Whatever I'm doing, I'll be fully there. If I'm working, I'll work. If I'm reading, I'll read. If I'm making art, I'll make art. The next thing on the list can wait.

Will I still stress when everything doesn't get done?

Probably. But maybe, instead of pushing harder, I'll get out of my own way.

I'll take a microbreak. Read a book. Create something.

Play with my cat. And let the rest go.

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