To see, or not to see

I always give my anatomy students the homework of observing people “out in the wild”—notice how they sit, walk, lean, etc. It’s beyond interesting to watch people simply being people, and it’s a great introduction to seeing the physical patterns we hold.

During this exercise recently, one of my students said, “I noticed how willing some people were to not see each other.”

This blew my mind.

In fact, I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

What she saw, while observing people in public, was that no one seemed to look at anyone else. And the metaphor, for her, was the kind of normalized disconnect we have with one another in modern life. And, my two cents here, by extension, with ourselves.

When you learn anatomy—especially as a future teacher of a movement modality—you’re developing a skill that allows you to see not only how people move, but how they inhabit their bodies and interact with their senses. If someone is shut down in their body, they may be shut down in other ways, too.

I’m based in NYC, where it’s an old cliché that New York is an unkind place: fast-paced, crowded, and very much a move-it-or-lose-it mentality. And like many clichés, there’s some truth to it.

But you can choose to believe the cliché and race to keep up. Or you can choose to slow down and notice your surroundings, your habits, and your reactions.

This is really what I’m trying to impart to my students: when you start observing, you can’t stop seeing. The world opens up. How other people move through it becomes apparent. And, eventually, how you move through it becomes apparent, too.

New York is about 8.5 million people strong these days. Privacy comes at a premium, and public spaces are loud, crowded, and fast-paced. To survive, we New Yorkers can shut down, self-isolate, put in our headphones, avoid eye contact, and slide into our phones—all of the above just to get through the day.

Slowly and subtly, those habits can creep into everything else.

You stop noticing the world around you, the people in it, and even your own reactions—all in an effort to self-protect.

And while that’s understandable, it can also become the very thing that disconnects us and, in some ways, dehumanizes us. We become willing not to see. We stop participating in public life. And that may take more of a toll on us than we realize, spilling over into our personal lives.

It’s hard work to stay present, no matter where you live. It’s much easier to shut off and focus on your phone, your problems, your life. New York has its own unique set of obstacles, but this kind of disconnect is happening everywhere, on different levels and at different frequencies.

We are becoming increasingly comfortable with not seeing one another.

And when we stop seeing, we also stop noticing our surroundings. We become more impatient and short-tempered. We put ourselves before others. We skip the common courtesies. And there can be a toll on our health, too. Chronic stress, anxiety, anger, and poor sleep can all affect our well-being over time.

So, are you noticing this pattern in yourself?

There are ways to bring your awareness back without becoming vulnerable or forcing yourself to interact with strangers. Mindfulness can help you reconnect with the people and environment around you while maintaining a sense of safety and personal boundaries.

Here are five ways to start:

1. The 5–4–3–2–1 Awareness Practice - Quietly notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste or appreciate. It brings you into the present without requiring you to interact with anyone.

2. Soften Your Gaze - Instead of staring at your phone or intensely focusing on one person, lift your eyes and allow your gaze to gently take in the larger environment. Notice movement, light, architecture, trees, sounds, and people without needing to engage with them.

3. Notice, Name, and Release - Silently label what you’re observing: person walking, bus arriving, child laughing, bird, traffic, sunlight. Then let the observation go. This creates awareness without making assumptions about other people or becoming overly focused on anyone.

4. Feel Your Feet + Look - your attention to your feet making contact with the ground. Take one slow breath, then look around and notice where you are, where you’re going, and what is happening around you. This combines mindfulness with practical situational awareness—an important part of staying safe.

5. The “Connected but Boundaried” Practice - Remind yourself: “I can be aware of other people without engaging with them.” Notice the presence of others. Maybe offer a brief smile or nod if it feels appropriate, then return your attention to yourself. You don’t owe anyone eye contact, conversation, or access to you.

Good mindfulness techniques can actually increase situational awareness. You notice the exits, the traffic, who’s around you, your surroundings, and your own body’s signals—while remaining calm rather than fearful.

What’s more, mindfulness can help you feel connected to others and, ultimately, to yourself.

It can offset feelings of insecurity, isolation, and anxiety without requiring you to expend a ton of energy.

You can participate without becoming depleted.

You can connect without giving yourself away.

You can finally see people, and yourself.

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