Looking back to move forward

The long slow pause of winter helps me get quiet in my head so I can hear my heart better, and hold the lessons of the previous year close to me, letting them marinate. The intention setting of January never made sense to me. We need time to catch our breath, stand still, and then choose a path.  By the time February and March roll around, I'm antsy and ready to shed a few layers. By shedding layers, I make room for the next season and the year ahead, whatever it brings.

And I'm all for leaving 2025 behind, in more ways than one. Besides the chaos in the world, my personal life has run the gamut of joys and disappointment, grief and embarassment. Just like yours, just like all of ours. Difficult realizations and dreams postponed have risen up, and crashed into the very essence of who I thought I was, where I thought I'd be by now. We humans are messy creatures, less than perfect. Sometimes, we just want to forget things and move on. And we should. But before we do, shouldn't we look our disappointments square in the eye?

Socrates said The unexamined life is not worth living. For what it's worth, I think there is such a thing as an over-examined life. I'm guilty of that for sure. I've spent many years recovering from a divorce and feeling trapped by my wounds; so much so that I found myself in middle age with less confidence and less certainty of how to move forward than ever before. I've spent the last couple of years looking at my life from all angles and measuring up my options, trying to move away from the person I was. Leaving the past behind, especially a painful one, is a steady trudge forward that requires presence and fortitude. It's hard work, and lonely.  I'm tired from it and, honestly, none the wiser. I'm still the same. Just older, and with more stories to tell. 2025 brought that into focus for me.

So does that mean that we shouldn't look too closely at anything we don't like? Why bother, right? Well, here's the thing - behind the disappointments are all the little things that kept us on track and renewed our resilience. What I've come to realize is, if we don't reflect on those too, we lose the thread that connects all our years. We head off into the wilderness without a map, a wilderness landmarked not only by big events (loves, divorces, deaths, jobs) but all the smaller, quieter moments too.

We all know what in our past has hurt and disappointed us, but can you recall all the endless little glimmers in a year (much less a lifetime) that kept you going, that gave joy, made you laugh, made you think, This is life, and it is good. I'm guessing you can't recall those moments as quickly as the things that left you sad and confused, or even the triumphs that made you feel safe and secure. Those big events shape us, of course - as we grow older, the scars multiply and the memories gather strength.

But the small moments shape us too ... a walk in the woods to clear your head, birdsong in the early morning, the baby that giggled at you, the handsome stranger you locked eyes with across the room, a memorable meal full of laughter, the sunrise over mountains, a cool breeze on the hottest day. The list goes on. These moments, they shape us too. And there are just so many more of them. They are, in fact, the connective tissue - the quiet little back lanes of our life that actually move us forward, that make the wilderness tolerable and navigable.

So look back on 2025 and track the little moments too. Forget the big markers, forget who broke your heart or the job you didn't get or the anger you felt at any event that was outside of your control. Even forget the wins - the hopes and dreams that took shape. Look at them all and, yes, take note. They're part of you. And also reflect on the small moments ... because they are you. They are your inner reserves, and they are vast. Need a little inspiration? Here are five journal prompts that may help you with February reflections.

What was your favorite meal of 2025?

What did you laugh the hardest at in 2025?

What was the most beautiful thing you saw in 2025?

What made you smile unexpectedly in 2025?

What made you feel the most alive in 2025?